1.TEACHER: Why are you late? WEBSTER: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
2.TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor? CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!-
3.TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"? JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER: No, that's wrong JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
4.TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!! TEACHER: What are you talking about? SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
5.TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. Jackson: Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: Jackson!
6.TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WILLY: Me!
7. SILVIA: Dad,can you write in the dark? FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write? SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
8. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I". ELLEN: I is... TEACHER:No, Ellen. Always say, "I am." ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
9.Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?" Puppy: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the Same day same time.
10.Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? Father : No. Why do you ask that? Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
11.Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Student: Brotherly love.
12.Teacher: Now, 10zeel, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? 10Zeel: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
13.Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Pupil : A teacher.
14. There were three boys who wanted to be in good terms with their new teacher.
They all decided to bring in a gift.
The first boy gave the teacher a box, she shook it and then she smelled it.She knew the boy's father worked in a candy store so she asked the boy if it were candy.
The boy said, yes.
The next boy gave her the box he had. Then she shook the box and smelled it. She knew this boy's father was a florist. She asked, Is it flowers?
The boy said, yes.
The next boy gave her his box, she knew his father worked at a distillery. Then she asked, Is it Rum?
The boy said, no.
Is it Vodka?
The boy said, no.
She shook the box and it started to leak.
She decided to taste what was leaking out.
Then she said, I don't know, What is it?
The boy said, it's a puppy.
15. "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer."Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
16. A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"The little girl replied, "My homework."
17. Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
18. Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
His father asks: "Why?"
Johnny says: "The teacher asked me 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
Father: "But that's right!"
Johnny: "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
Father reacts: "What's the fuck difference?"
Johnny: "That's exactly I said!"
19. Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Patty: I've already got one rabbit at home now!
20. "Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Well, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No." replied the boy.
"I'm the principal's daughter." said the girl.
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!" said the boy with a sign of relief.
21. Teacher asked George: how can you prove the earth is round?
George replied: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.