Sardar Ji Jokes Page 3

41- Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ?
I was enjoying my ride down there ?

Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"

42- Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

43- Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates and then starts asking him questions.
Following is the transcript :
O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions.If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
S : Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions
O : Above
S : Below
O : Front
S : Back
O : left_inner
S : Right
O : Male
S : Female
O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells it)
O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y...... Our Sardar also shouts) Officer is now angry.
O : Get out
S : Come in.
O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.
O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected
....... ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.

44- A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar raheho?"
To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash Basin".

45- Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

46- Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light. He tried another. It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.
"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"
"That's a good match. I'll use it again."

47- A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing. The bystander: A Marathon race is going on
Sardar: What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

48- Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a DISTANT relative of his...

49- One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price. Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs. for which Sardar bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost."Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."

50- A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.
" Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explained that he wouldonly get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"

51- Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied.
The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."

52- A Sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over him.
The Sardar says, "It is good that cows don't fly"

53- A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

54- How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping? Six.
One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.

55- Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.

56- Did you hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him all of their burnt out light bulbs?
He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.

57- Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.
"Why", his friend Santa Singh asked him, "are you wearing two jackets?".
"Because," said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can says 'put on two coats'."

58- Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman asked the Sardar why he kept painting less each day,
he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can"

59- Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They're there for those who don't drink.

60- Why do Sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

61- Sardar,a Japanese, and a British were lost in the desert. They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey. The Japanese took the radiator, the British took the seat, and the Sardar took the door.
After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?"
The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, can drink the fluid."
Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the seat?"
So the British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat."
Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the door.
The Sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."

62- Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"?
He didn't know which "one" came first...

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