Desi Jokes

A lion held a huge party at his place ,He invited only his fellow lions.The
lions were dancing when a mouse also came a joined in.
The lion ask/d the mouse why he entered the party when the other species

were not invited.
The mouse said 'Shaadi se pehle main bhi sher tha'

Once a girl was drinking coke. She suddenly discovered a fly in her drink
and took it out from the coke.
The fly gave birth to a baby fly and died. The baby fly opened it's eyes
looked at the girl and said ,'maaa!'.

The girl asked the baby fly,'main tumhari maa nahin hoon phir tu mujhe kyon
maa bulati hai?'
The fly replied,'kyon kai maine tumhari coke se janam liya hai.'

Once it so happened in a flight that, James Bond was sitting besides a Telugu guy Both were traveling to US.
Telugu Guy: Hello May I know your name please?
James Bond: I am Bond... James Bond....... and you?
Telugu Guy: I am Sai... Venkata Sai... Siva Venkata Sai ... Laxminarayana
Siva Venkata Sai... Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Sitaramanjaneyula
Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Bulusupalli
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Bond faints!!!!

One day two friends are bragging.
1st friend: My father has great eyes site like eagle, he is very
clever as fox, very brave like the Lion...
2nd friend: This means that I need to buy a ticket to the
Zoo to meet your Father??

A man and his wife were seeking a divorce at a local court. But the custody
of their child posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had
brought the child into this world, she should retain custody.
The man also wanted custody of his child. The judge asked for his side of
the story too.
After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and argued,
'Your Honour, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes
out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?'
Hai koi jawaab???

A japanese couple have illegitimate twins, what do they name them?
Answer: Jo Hua , So hua

Three Indian soldiers, Jai Reddy (Tamil), Joy Bosu (Bengali), and Santa
Singh are captured by Pakistani Army. The Pakistani Corp commander doesnot
want to have them as POWs and has decided to execute them. They are asked
what they wish to have for their last meal.
The Reddy asks for a Masala Dosai, which he is served and then taken away.
The Bosu requests a Machli Bhath, which he is served and also taken away.
Santa requests Sarson ka saag and Makki di roti. The captors are surprised
and reply ' Sarson?'
'Yes, Sarson.'
'Arre Sarson to is season mein aati nahin hai!'
'Koi gall nahin. Asee intezaar karanga...'

When the Indians were being delivered their new fleet of fighter jets, an instructor espically came from Russia to explain the Indidan Air Force & Army the simplictiy of the operation of the planes (from Russia because India buys their planes from Russia)
So when the first plane was delivered, the instructor told the Indian Army " this has 3 buttons, the one on the top is to take off, the one on the left_inner is to go left_inner and the one on the right is to go right."
The soldiers nodded in understanding. But one soldier raised his hand and asked " But sir, how will we get down?"
The instuctor replied "Oh ! Leave that to the Pakistanis"

A Pakistani was sitting with an Indian and Malaysianin Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a
sudden Saudi police entered and arrested them. But, as it was a nationalholiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after receiving20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said:
"I allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
So the Malaysian guy thought for a while and then
said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The Indian guy, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back". But even two pillows could only take 10
lashes before the whip went through again. Sheikh turned to Pakistani and said: "You are from a brother country, so you can have 2 wishes!"
"Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness", the Pakistani replies.
"My first wish is: I would like to have 40 lashes."
"If you so desire", the Sheikh replies with questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?"
"Tie the Indian to my back", the Pakistani answers.

Gandhi Ki Dhoti

There was just one cinema Theatre in the Village. The village people, though
backward were very patriotic. In fact as a Cinema screen the owner of the
theatre had installed a khaadi dhoti. The villagers were very happy with
the idea of a Khaadi Dhoti screen. They decided to dedicate the theatre to
Mahatma Gandhiji, and Named the theatre: GANDHI KEE DHOTI
Some of the Up coming attractions at GANDHI KEE DHOTI as advertised in the
Local Newspaper were:
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein KACHHE DHAGE
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein HAL-CHAL
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Daraar
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Chuppa Rustom
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Baazigar
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Do Jasoos
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Aandhi
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Garam Hawaa
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Hero No. 1
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Sabse Bada Khilaadi
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Kuch Kuch hota hai
Gandhi kee dohti mein Raju Ban Gaya Gentlemen
Gandhi kee dohti mein Josh
Gandhi kee dohti mein Joru ka Ghulam
Gandhi kee dohti mein Mere Do Anmol Ratan
Gandhi kee dohti mein Judwaa
Gandhi kee dohti mein Refugee
Gandhi kee dohti mein Tera Jadoo Chal Gaaya
Gandhi kee dohti mein Jungle
Gandhi kee dohti mein Hera Pheri
Gandhi kee dohti mein Ajnabee
Gandhi kee dohti mein Pyaasa

Dilli Ki Kahani

Ek din, mein dilli pahuncha, Station pe ek coolie se bahar jane ka rasta pooncha, Coolie ne kaha bahar jaake poocho. Maine khud hi rasta doondh liya, Bahar jaake taxiwale se pooncha, "bhai saab Aagre ka kitna loge?" Jawab mila, "bechna nahi hai.." Taxi chhod, maine bus pakad li, conductor se pooncha, "ji.. kya mein cigarette pi sakta hoon?" Wo gurrra kar bola, "hargiz nahi, yaha cigarette pina mana hai" Maine kaha, "par wo janab to pi rahe hai!"
Phir se gurrrraya, "usne mujhse pooncha nahi hai" Aagre pahucha, hotel gaya. Manager se kaha, "mujhe room chahiye, satve manzil pe" Manager ne kaha, "rahane ke liye ya koodne ke liye?" Room pahucha, waiter se kaha, "ek paani ka gilas milega."
Usne jawab diya, "nahi sahab, yaha to saare kanch ke milte hai." Hotel se nikla dost ke ghar jaane ke liye, Raste me ek sahab se pooncha, "janab, ye sadak kaha ko jaati hai?" Janab hans kar bole, "peechle bees saal se dekh rahan hoon, yahi padi hai...."
Dost ke ghar pahucha, to mujhe dekhte hi chownk pada Usne poocha, "dilli kaise aana hua?" Ab tak to mujhe bhi aadat pad gayi thi, to maine bhi jawab diya,"Train se.." Meri aaobhagat karne ke liye dost ne apni biwi se kaha,"areeee sunti ho... mera dost pehli baar ghar aaya hai, uuse kuch taja taja khilao.." Sunte hi bhabhiji ne ghar ki sari khidkiya aur darwaje khol diye. Kaha, "taji hawa kha lijiye." Dost ne phir se badi pyar se biwi se kaha, "areeee sunti ho...inhe jara apna chalis saal purana aachar to dikhana." Bhabiji ek batli me rakha aachar le aayi, Maine bhi apnapan dikhate hue bhabiji se kaha, "bhabhiji, aachar sirf dikhayengi, chakhayengi nahi....?" Bhabiji ne taak jawab diya, "yuhi agar sab ko chakhati to aachar chalis saal purana kaise hota..?" Thodi der baad dekha, bhabiji apne pote ko soola rahi thi, Saath me lori bhi ga rahi thi, "diploma so ja, diploma so ja." Lori soon mein hairan hua aur dost se poocha, "yaar ye diploma kya hai?" Dost ne jawab diya, "mere pote ka naam, Beti bambai gayi thi, diploma lene ke liye aur saath mein ise le aayi, isiliye hamne iska naam diploma rakh diya." Phir maine pooncha, "aajkal tumhari beti kya kar rahi hai?" Dost ne jawab diya, "bambai gayi hai, degree lene ke liye...."

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